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Apple Event Recap: You Missed Nothing

Screen Shot 2013-09-11 at 7.34.35 AM

Yesterday Apple had their regularly scheduled fall event where they announce their next products. And yesterday was no different.

They introduced a design that is stale, yet faster. A chip that has been upgraded to be around 2 times as fast and an iPhone they already released but this time with colors! Colors that make your eyes bleed with easter pastels, cases that look like fish net stockings and a “faster” iPhone with super cool slow mo camera updates.

Overall this was an event to be missed.

As with each year we get the same, the 3GS, the 4S and now the 5s which isn’t as much as of an upgrade as they now can’t use a capital “S’ after the iteration.

The same questions are always there; do I upgrade? is it worth it? Which color should I get……

This event was not worth watching, the upgrade was our annual upgrade from Apple and honestly not worth it’s weight in the gold Apple spent to put the show on, nor the gold they put on the new iPhone 5s (notice the small “s”).

Here is a quick run down of what you missed if you actually decided to work instead of watching Apple’s live stream…oh wait they didn’t do a live stream of this event. Even Apple didn’t think it was worth it.

A colorful, pastel filled line of iPhone 5’s renamed the 5C (obviously for annoying color) have been introduced. The iPhone 5 has been discontinued.

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A speedier, more powerful iPhone 5s (notice the very tiny “s”) was introduced and impressed many instagrammers (I just made up a cool new word!) who will now capture more shots of their kids and post it to Facebook due to the awesomeness that is burst mode. And don’t forget that now you can unlock your iPhone and purchase iTunes music with your finger print. For those of you living in bunkers, paranoid of the NSA snooping your data, this one is for you!

Not only did the 5C get some color, but the 5s did also. It now has an annoying Miley Cyrus loving “gold” color. Brian Lam of Wirecutter said it best:

*Gold. I can’t prove it but I think they made this color specifically for minorities that like bling, including my dad who is from Hong Kong. I added that “my dad” part in so you can’t mob me on twitter for making racial stereotypes about minorities loving golden things. Now you see that I have some authority, anecdotally and personally.

The gold color is tacky, and ghetto fabulous. There are no other words for it. Apple has slipped and it’s reputation is heading in the same direction.

Should you upgrade? If you are still sporting the 3GS, sure why not, grab that cute pastel green or yellow and sport it like you should in your bermuda shorts and loafers. You will look so cool!

Or if you really want to match your grill, you can upgrade to the gold iPhone. Maybe throw some crystals on it, walk around NYC pimping hard. It’s all up to you how cool you look, but for a couple hundred dollars, why not!

On a different (more serious?) note, iOS 7 will debut on Sept. 18th.

About Matthew Snider

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11 Replies

  1. Correction: The 5C cases look like Crocs.

    1. Matthew Snider

      Hahaha

    2. Hate all you want. I own a pair of crocs w/ flannel liner. Most comfy footwear ever.

      1. Matthew Snider

        Haha do you own fish nets too!?!

  2. I can see how the update seems incremental from the iPhone 5, but since I’m on the 4 (not 4S), this iteration of the iPhone will be a huge leap.

    1. Matthew Snider

      I don’t disagree that it’s worth the upgrade, just noting overall that it was an “as expected” event and not worth watching.

  3. Storm

    Personally, I think your critique of the new line up is bit harsh. Let’s look at your Gold iPhone argument first.

    This piece by MG Sielger looked at the reasons behind the gold iPhone (http://techcrunch.com/2013/08/18/gold-iphone/):
    1. The gold would be one of the “easiest colors to anodise onto an iPhone”. Much easier than say, black (which is likely why the current black iPhone 5 has more of a “slate” back colour).
    2. A gold iPhone would likely do well in the Chinese and Indian markets as well, where the colour is very popular.

    Based on the points above, we can safely say Apple is not trying to go ghetto fabulous. After all, people in the ghetto don’t have enough money. Additionally, there is only so much iPhones Kanye West and Jay z could buy.

    Regarding the updated features on the iPhone, I will say that this is one of the best iPhone “S” upgrades if not the best.

    The iPhone 5C is basically a ploy to increase their profit margins. Apple is not the highest cap company in the world by chance.

    1. Matthew Snider

      Storm, while I see your points and they are valid, I would disagree 100% that people in the ghetto don’t have enough money for this iPhone. Even if they don’t they will have one. And I will make sure I keep an eye out for artists with the gold.

      As for the best S upgrades, it’s all in what you need or want out of a phone. Unless you are paranoid you don’t need your finger print to unlock your phone. You just don’t need it. As for the camera, eh it’s cool but overall it’s not needed nor really a jump from my 5 that is worth 200 dollars and starting over from scratch on my Verizon contract.

      My main point overall is, it was expected and it was even a bit ehh.

    2. Moe

      I agree. Best “s” update ever. I think most people are just seeing the “icing” in the cake, but are missing the filling. That chip and that processor are things worth getting excited about. The Touch ID alone is worth getting excited about. The use it’s flawless. Imagine the possibilities? No more passwords. What’s more, I believe it to a bit more powerful and functional than what they said. Imagine what the future of it holds. Security, payments, encryption, etc. Imagine accessing a fingerprint secured version of checkout?

      Let alone 64 bit architecture that can take the iPhone to lengths no other phone has reached. Make no mistake, that A7 chip is incredible. As far as disappointment? Yeah, we weren’t thrilled. In the very market Apple created (massive use of personal smartphones and cameras) it has become a thorn for them. It’s hard to keep secrets when you rely on a foreign country and foreign workers seeing these products first. I bet had we known nothing about the 5C and 5s we would be screaming “awesome” from the rooftops.

      Oh, and by the way, I think the 5S will be the best selling iPhone ever. It won’t be the best one, but like the iPad mini (which is inferior in every way, with a crappy screen (seriously, yuk)) it will sell because of it’s price. Let alone colors giving people personality for once, a rare move from Apple.

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