Apple Event Recap: You Missed Nothing

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Yesterday Apple had their regularly scheduled fall event where they announce their next products. And yesterday was no different.

They introduced a design that is stale, yet faster. A chip that has been upgraded to be around 2 times as fast and an iPhone they already released but this time with colors! Colors that make your eyes bleed with easter pastels, cases that look like fish net stockings and a “faster” iPhone with super cool slow mo camera updates.

Overall this was an event to be missed.

As with each year we get the same, the 3GS, the 4S and now the 5s which isn’t as much as of an upgrade as they now can’t use a capital “S’ after the iteration.

The same questions are always there; do I upgrade? is it worth it? Which color should I get……

This event was not worth watching, the upgrade was our annual upgrade from Apple and honestly not worth it’s weight in the gold Apple spent to put the show on, nor the gold they put on the new iPhone 5s (notice the small “s”).

Here is a quick run down of what you missed if you actually decided to work instead of watching Apple’s live stream…oh wait they didn’t do a live stream of this event. Even Apple didn’t think it was worth it.

A colorful, pastel filled line of iPhone 5’s renamed the 5C (obviously for annoying color) have been introduced. The iPhone 5 has been discontinued.

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A speedier, more powerful iPhone 5s (notice the very tiny “s”) was introduced and impressed many instagrammers (I just made up a cool new word!) who will now capture more shots of their kids and post it to Facebook due to the awesomeness that is burst mode. And don’t forget that now you can unlock your iPhone and purchase iTunes music with your finger print. For those of you living in bunkers, paranoid of the NSA snooping your data, this one is for you!

Not only did the 5C get some color, but the 5s did also. It now has an annoying Miley Cyrus loving “gold” color. Brian Lam of Wirecutter said it best:

*Gold. I can’t prove it but I think they made this color specifically for minorities that like bling, including my dad who is from Hong Kong. I added that “my dad” part in so you can’t mob me on twitter for making racial stereotypes about minorities loving golden things. Now you see that I have some authority, anecdotally and personally.

The gold color is tacky, and ghetto fabulous. There are no other words for it. Apple has slipped and it’s reputation is heading in the same direction.

Should you upgrade? If you are still sporting the 3GS, sure why not, grab that cute pastel green or yellow and sport it like you should in your bermuda shorts and loafers. You will look so cool!

Or if you really want to match your grill, you can upgrade to the gold iPhone. Maybe throw some crystals on it, walk around NYC pimping hard. It’s all up to you how cool you look, but for a couple hundred dollars, why not!

On a different (more serious?) note, iOS 7 will debut on Sept. 18th.

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